what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
