Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
