I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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