Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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