his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
