So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
