there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
