I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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