my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
