dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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