I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
