this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
