We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
