I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
