I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
