I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
