Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
