Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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