The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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