Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
