He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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