i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
