i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I died a long time ago.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
