She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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