I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
