i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
