i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
