Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
