i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
