i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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