My friends, they love my intelligence
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
