how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
