I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
