I just saw a hot homeless man
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
