You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
