I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
