God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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