who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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