Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
