i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
