on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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