i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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