Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
