Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
