Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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