There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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