yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
