I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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