i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
