I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
