Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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